So... there is something you really must know about me - I cease normal functioning around men I am actually attracted to. I make faces, do weird things with my hands, refuse to stand up... it is a disaster. I am usually quite a calm, collected, and generally pulled together person. I have my quirks, who doesn't, but I can usually keep a lid on my love of dragons and video games long enough for the person to find other things to like about me... so lets begin.
I had a Monday night beer date with a happy and attractive blue-eyed guy who had a cute mid-western accent, a great job, and a great outlook on life. Awesome, finally online dating has pulled through. BUT if you notice I said the word attractive... I am fucked. This is the first attractive man I have met using online dating. Usually I can find a flaw... focus on the flaw and gain the [mental] upper hand but our current bachelor was pretty awesome - good job.
To make matters worse I somehow misplaced my drivers license, you know that object that makes beer drinking possible in public. So I cannot get a beer... I get nervous-er. Attractive Bachelor tells me a story about this ID he has that is a normal state issued ID that doesn't work for alcohol... and I ask him the same questions 3 times "Is that a CDL?" three times he gives me the same answer - attractive and patient; this man will make a not-so-crazy lady very happy someday.
So the date continues and I sip a coke... I hate soda so why in the world did I order a stupid coke? So I drank not one, but pretty much 2 big sodas. Do you know how much caffeine is in coke? I am WIRED by this point and the convo is going fine he tells me about all of his awesome adventures and I nob and smile and "that is so cool" "that is so crazy"... I need a new life.
Oh did I mention every time I move in my seat the chair makes a farting noise? Oh and did I mention I drank 2 cokes? My chair made a lot of noise that night...
So overall - Mr. Blue-eyed Bachelor is cooler than me, has his shit together, and is not enchanted by my caffeinated antics. While I am a pretty cool person with lots of stories, a handle on my affairs and my antics I was not any of these things Monday night... I get the fool card for this date! Timing is everything folks!
Lessons I have learned:
No caffeinated soda.
Double-check for ID
Prepare some things to talk about
